One of my fella's friends is looking for love. He is looking on the internet and there is nothing wrong with that, but he is naive.
He managed to get himself involved with a Russian scammer and wouldn't listen to his friends advice/warnings, was sending her money etc, convinced it was the real deal. I was introduced to him just as it was coming to an end. The poor lad was convinced that she was coming over to see him sometime in the following month and she disappeared. He only believe she was a scammer after she didn't show up and he was devastated.
Well this is were the moral dilemma comes in.
As a moderator, I have pretty good instincts for scammers. I won't bore you with all the details. He has just posted on FB that he is in a relationship with someone, and I was curious so I had a look at the profile and a little search around on the internet, and I am convinced she is another scammer, if she was on this site, she would have been banned.
So what would you do?
He doesn't listen to his friends, and they gave up telling him after the last one, but the fella asked me to delve a little deeper than I have done so far.
So do you say something, as an acquaintance, or do you watch him get burned and lose money and have his heart broken again?
PS He is a nice bloke, not too bad looking, but just a bit lonely and too willing to believe people. I do like him as a mate and really would like to see him with a girlfriend.
I'd have to try and get through to him... if only to save him some cash! He might be more inclined to listen to you as an acquaintance and with your online experience with moderating this site, than to listen to his friends.
Sadly, the vulnerable will always be exploited. You'd think he'd have learned his lesson last time round... You can only advise and hope he heeds the advice.
Generally speaking though - why do people say they're "in a relationship" after exchanging a handful of emails/PMs/IMs/texts/whatever? No matter how flirtatious you've been you can't possibly know that you're going to be compatible with someone until you've met them in person! Or is it just me?
If you've told him and he's been fleeced money wise and he still won't listen,then i'd just sit back and let him get on with it.
Sounds hardhearted but if someone is that stupid to realise then learning the hard way is the only way.
Have to agree with Ric - sometimes you have to find out for yourself the hard way, otherwise you will always be thinking of what could have been.
He will know you're right, Regan, but he will still go ahead punishing himself, I know, I've done it myself last year, and its the only way I've learnt - he's probably got low self esteem, like me too - feel for him but he's got to go through it to move on.
" I don't think you can post "in a relationship" until you have spent some time with someone and that means more than a coffee date lol." - totally agree, I know someone who said they was in a relationship after just phonecalls before they even met....... scary !
The old Tracy would have tried to get through to him, Lou, but the new me realises its a waste of time and you only learn from your mistakes - its a hard life lesson but maybe then he will meet someone worthy of him once he has learnt it
How ironic that whilst reading this forum without being signed in that the banner underneath fraglettes original post was for a Russian Matchmaking site....
The heart (or desperation or hope?) is really ruling the head in your friends case and as others have said, even though he has been bitten once it looks as if he is willing to go ahead and make the same mistakes again despite all your efforts... Anyone can make a mistake, it is only a fool that repeats it.
Sometime you just have to see a lost cause for what it is, I am afraid.
i'd leave him to it the 2nd time round, and wouldn't waste my time on someone who wouldn't accept my advice.... especially if that person had asked for advice.
Some people are just too stupid though. We only have scammers because there are people so stupid to fall for their tricks. If people weren't so naive then scammers wouldn't exist!
Gotta say tho, there's naive and then there's stupid!
Max!!! picky bugger! lol
This aint grammar class
===========
He doesn't listen to his friends, and they gave up telling him after the last one, but the fella asked me to delve a little deeper than I have done so far.
I think you already answered your own question fraglette. It's probably best if he's just left to get on with it, if he doesn't listen anyway there's not much you can do to save him from himself. Just hope that his mates will be there for him when he falls apart and needs a shoulder to cry on. Advice is obviously something he feels he doesn't need, as he's obviously ignoring it, but I'm sure he will look for comfort from his mates if it happens to him again.
Very true max, I have just the one fella, but a lot of platonic male friends. The paragraph started out as one of my friends, but then I decided to change it as he is an acquaintence, but then the obvious answer is "why should I care?" so then I put the reference to being a friend of the fella, but it kinda got all screwed up in the editing and made myself out to be a right auld floozy , which isn't too far off the truth, but i am a faithful one man kinda floozy.
Don't know when I will see this friend of my blokey, and if it will be too late by then, the money will have sailed on the love boat so to speak .
True Kwak, but as I am an acquaintance, and have experience of sorting the scammers from the socially inept, the fella is hoping that his friend will listen to me. My fella and his friends are sick of listening to this bloke whining when it all goes wrong again, apparently he is hopeless in the romantic stakes, but the scammer thing is a recent development.
Max, was the ooh, heck ! a comment on the prose or the content?
Maxnod said: "Grammar can be fun"
Yes she can... but I still don't feel right about secretly crushing up those pills and putting them in her food....
(mind you - I would feel even more guilty if I got her pregnant!)
I hear what you're saying chaps/chapesses and I know some folk are beyond help, but I'd still be inclined to try and warn the bloke off.
It's a slightly different situation to one of your own mates who you've warned countless times in the past - Frag's not one of the mates who's previously warned him - she's one step removed and can also back up her suspicions with the internet digging she's done... so he might just listen to her.
Always worth a shot
TC - my office. NOW! *tuts disapprovingly*
what about instead of telling him thats its wrong you ask him why and listen to him he will probably be more likely to see it for him self if he has said it !!
i think thats how CBT ( congnative behaveral therapy ) starts but im sure some one will put me rite on that matter abit like an alcoholic has to addmit they got a problem ??
![Life Advice - Moral Dilemma - Forums [Biker Match]](/images/backgrounds/strips/8mobileLQ.jpg)
![Life Advice - Moral Dilemma - Forums [Biker Match]](/images/backgrounds/strips/8desktopLQ.jpg)
