I had a mate
who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a train.
He was chuffed to bits.
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave.
As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a
coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it... I thought to
myself, these b*g**rs have lost the plot!!
I was at a cashpoint yesterday when a little old lady asked
if I could check her balance. Not being one to disappoint I pushed her over.
A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai
Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for
the channel said.... 'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not
understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'
My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday,
so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! B*ll*cks to this, I
thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
I was walking
in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone.
"Morning." I said. "No" he replied, "just having a
crap."
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about
3 seconds.’ I bought her a set of bathroom scales.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a
good Korea move.
I got some new aftershave today that smells like
breadcrumbs. The birds love it!
I was driving to work this morning when I saw an RAC van
parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I
thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’.
The Prime Minister, David Cameron, has announced that he
intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits. From next week, all the
forms will only be printed in English.
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said ‘English
speaking Doctor’ - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country?'
MM... please don't post things like HEHEHEHEHEHEHE (x100) without any spaces because it stretches the forum page and destroys the layout.
Sorry there's no way I can prevent it other than to ask people not to do it :-D
Cheers
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