A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed.
"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.
"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.
And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.
"Go and get help!" he cried.
"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"
"Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."
Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."
Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the refrigerator
A man, with no arms and legs was lying on a blanket on a beach. Three beautiful woman were walking by felt sorry for him the first one went up to him and asked if he`d ever been kissed. he replied "No" so she gave him a lovely kiss. The second one asked him if he`d ever been hugged and he replied "No" so she gave him a warming hug The third girl asked him if he`d ever been fucked he replied "No" She said "well you will be soon the tide is coming in !"
Jack and Gill were getting married. jack says "before you marry me you should know that I have a baby size penis" gill replies " well I love you very much and what ever you have I shall accept love and cherish"
on the wedding night a loud shriek and scream could be heard from the bedroom. Jack said "I told you my penis was baby size,,,, it`s 14 inches long and weighs 11lb 4 oz !"
I know, i was just cleaning it and it went off, and it did it was like a fire hose its a good job mi house was on fire at the time, and i still don't know where the ostrich came from, must have just been walking passed on his way for a kebab.
Wife says to hubby, did you know a bull fucks 3000 times a year! why can't you? Hubby replies "Ask the bull if he fucks the same miserable cow every night"
Picked up this bird in the pub last nighttold her I was going to f!$% her in the kitchen, living room, bathroom and bedroom. She was well up for it saying, " wow, you must have some serious stamina!" She seemed a bit disappointed when we got back to the caravan
Was at the doctors yesterday, she told me that I had to stop masturbating with Immediate affect. starting to get concerned about what she'd found I asked her "why what's wrong" she replied "because I'm trying to examine you !"
An Essex girl and a Yorkshire lass were out drinking and the Essex girl was telling her pal about the £500.00 worth of underwear her bloke had just bought her. "I waited til he came home and sat there stark naked, he looked at my privates and asked why, so I said I had nothing to wear, so he gave me £500.00"
The Yorkshire lass said "I'll try that"
A month later the two are out drinking again and the Essex girl asked how she got on with the underwear ploy. "Well" said the Yorkshire lass "I did as you said and was sat stark naked when he came in"
"And" said the Essex girl.
"And ... he staggered in pissed, looked at me fanny, threw 10p at me and said "buy yersen a comb and tidy yersen up lass"
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