Wife says to husband "you make love like you decorate"
Husband replies "what very slow and professional?"
"No! she replies "I have to finish the job myself"
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why do women have orgasms? it gives them another reason to moan!
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couple at the zoo, passing the gorilla cage. the silver back became excitied by the woman in her mini skirt and tight boob tube.
hubby says "go on tease him" she rubs her boobs, runs her hands up and down her legs, sucks her finger.....driving the gorilla wild.
the hubby takes her hand, opens the door, pushes her in and say's "Now tell HIM you got a F**king headache!"
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for sale complete set of encyclopedias 5 volumes excellent condition £1000 o.n.o
no longer needed got married wife knows everything!
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, 'So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. Before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your first request?' The Lone Ranger responds, 'I'd like to speak to my horse.' The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. 'You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?' The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. 'You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. 'What is your last request?' The Lone Ranger responds, 'I'd like to speak to my horse,.... alone.' The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says, Listen very carefully for.... the.... last....******g time, I said..... 'BRING POSSE'
I have started acting - the part I am playing at the moment is of a man who's been married for over twenty years.
I'm hoping that my next role will be a speaking part.
geoff....it shouldn't be too hard to learn the words...
'yes of course I will go shopping with you'
'help yourself to any money from my wallet, no questions asked'
and when you're more advanced.......
'yes .. of course your mother can have the spare room'
I look forward to your screen role
Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.'
The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.
The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.
The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'
The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response.
Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!'
The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to do that! I really don't think you should make him mad.'
'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.
Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.
'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'
The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear'
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