My heart goes out to you too Nutkin...been in exactly the same position myself.....once i realised that i was letting them live rent free in my head, i started to get stronger....eventually, they had to move out.
Thank you Kaz and Arf, I knew anyway, was texts on a friends phone - she was a fool and thought she could trust the person - thats how I found out a month after he deserted our children and me, but its confirmation for my lovely daughter of what her dad did, thats whats killing me...
I don't think you ever believe it tho that someone could throw away two children and 17 years, I know I'm better off, still raw tho 2 years and 2 days later
Having to live with IBS and the daily pain that brings now I have sudden and unexplained damage to finger nails and my big toe nail has come out in sympathy and will have to be removed
(anyone got a gun I could borrow?)
Think our kids are alot tougher than we, as adults realise..they deal with stuff different to us...usually alot better too:o)
2 years n 2 days is a fair bit of free rent...i know staying strong for your children is the most important thing in your life, always will be....sometimes to our own detrement....self growth n healing will ultimately make you even stronger for them.........really hope you find the strength for all 3 of you to make your ex move out of your head real soon:o)
Your more than welcome me dear.....as i say, i really meant it when i said i've been in a very similar position myself, so i can totally empathise with your pain.......you'll get there....stay strong :o)
wots makin me sad 2day is the fact that i moved back in2 my house afta its all been dun up afta the fire in may, n i aint got the guts 2 sleep in my new bed upstairs due 2 the memories i av from the last time i was asleep up there
Here's a daft idea - try sleeping on the landing first, then ease yourself onto the bedroom floor near the door, then near the bed, then onto the bed, and finally (days later) into bed.
(fees negotiable)
Thinking of you & your daughter Nutkin xx Hard lesson for her to learn like that.
Drobess - I've never been through anything like that, but totally relate to the inability to sleep upstairs... I spent 6 months after I was burgled unable to sleep in my bed... I just dozed on the floor downstairs, frightened to ever completely relax in case they came back.
It's far from an ideal situation! Seriously worth considering some sort of counselling - that will help you deal with what's going on in your mind. A GP will probably throw sleeping pills at you, which might make you sleep, but won't deal with the underlying problem. If something similar happened to me today, that's what I'd do.
Nutkin all you can do is be there for your daughter, I know what your going through I was with my ex for just under 32yrs and spent 17 of them trying to find proof to what everyone else was telling me, he was having an affair with my sister. The pain never goes away but does get easier, mine always raises its ugly head each xmas as I found proof on 18th Dec and then the following year got divorced on the 8th Dec, I have my bad days but they are out numbered by the good ones spent with the new friends I have in my life and the life I know I have today which is something I wouldn't have had was I still married.
Drob really sorry that you are finding it hard to move back into your bedroom hopefully once you are settled fully back into the house itself, which is early days things will get back on track with you being able to sleep in your room, have you thought about Dr Bachs rescue remedy, it don't help you sleep but does help nerves and with worries.
What made me sad today was missing a real good possibility of a funny photo thanks to poor light.
(see what made you smile for more info)
In the absence of a "what made you want to puke?" thread... Why is it when you actually SEE how bad something is, it starts hurting 10 times worse than it did before you could see it?!
fanx 2 every1 4 readin wot i wrote, n understandin n givin sugestions 4 helpin me, wannabe, am considerin councellin 4 me n my girls cos my daughter woz asleepwen the fire broke out in her bedroom n she still sleeps wiv the light on every nite n thats wiv her boyfreind sharin same room as her. wen we went on holiday I conviced her 2 sleep wiv the light off, as we were all sharin the same room, which she did, n I woke her and my other daughter up avin a nitemare n screamin as loud as my lungs would let me, we laugh about it now but didnt at the time,
Lets hope we can all wake up 2moz wiv da sun shinin n find summat 2 smile about
Oh Drobess... I really feel for you all... must've been such a terrifying experience.
We bury these things in our subconscious and that's when it all comes out, in nightmares, in an inability to sleep unless the lights are left on etc... Hope you can find someone to help.
With regard to counsellors, you should be able to get a referral via your GP - there's often a long waiting list, so be warned... and if you or your daughters don't relate to the first counsellor you see, don't give up hope - it's very important that you can relate to him/her. Ask for another referral. I know people who've been visiting a counsellor for months and months, never seeming to progress, then seeing someone else for one reason or another and suddenly having a breakthrough.
They will be able to help you access the stuff that you've buried in your subconscious and help you work through it until you get to a stage where you can cope with it all.
Keeping this sort of stuff buried does nobody any good in the long run.
Take it from someone whose Mother had a total breakdown over 30 years after her first son (my brother) died. She just busied herself and did the British stiff upper lip thing... but as the years went by, she had to busy herself more and more, until she reached the stage where she was on the go from 6am til 2am, 7 days a week... her body gave up on her.
I was 12 when it happened... and it wasn't a great experience for me either. I'd never once seen my Mum shed a single tear. Ever. Then had to deal with her bawling her eyes out morning, noon and night for about 10 days, while I was trying to be "Mum" to everyone else and look after the family. Nearly 30 years on from that & I'm still trying to be the glue that holds everyone together! lol Oh well. Set me up for life eh? ;o)
Seriously... Don't bury it... Don't try to deal with it by yourselves.
Sending you loads of positive vibes and wishing for plenty of sunshine and smiles today xx
And im well unhappy after blowing my gear box up on the
M25 last night on my up NORTH to see a friend.
Braking down at 7 o/c a waiting 3 hours for the RAC and
getting home at midnight.
Maybe i should not of gone so fast
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