Wife buys sexy crotchless knickers,gets home and puts them on,husband gets home,she calls him into bedroom in a sexy voice says "Do you want to play?"
He takes one look and says "F*** off,look what its done to your knickers!"
I almost talked my way out of a speeding ticket by telling the police woman she looked bloody gorgeous, though things turned sour when i said," And that's not just the fg drink talking either"....
When the wife asked me if i'd like to shave her muff, i junped at the chance. After lathering her up, i started scraping the pubes off . It was easy doing the flat bits but i had trouble getting round her minge, so i said to the wife, "You've watched me shaving often enough haven't you ?" "Yes", she said . "Well do this then " i said- skewing my mouth to one side...
There was a young man from South Boston,
Who's car was a small compact Austin,
There was just room inside
For his hair and his hide,
But his balls still hung out so he lost em...
The makers of Viagra have brought a new version of their famous little blue tablet to coincide with the new James Bond movie. They decided to call it Viagra 007. It won't make you any harder but you will Roger Moore!
The stunner next door just came complaining about items going missing from her washing line and threatened to call the police............I nearly shit her pants...
After shagging Cheryl Cole last night, I've just two things to say 1: her tits are not that great and 2: the staff at Madam Tussauds are miserable fuckers.
)1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, but it is harmful if done every day..
)2 . F***ing relaxes your mind and body..
)3. F*** ing refreshers you..
)4. After F***ing dont eat too much, go for more liquids.
)5.Try F***ing in bed cos it can save your valuable energy.
)6. F***ing can reduce your Cholerstoral level.
So remember "Fasting" is good for your health.
God Bless Your Dirty Mind !!!!!
Got a phone call at work the other . It was my neighbour Eric. He said "I dont know how to tell you this but your wife has hung herself on your washing line. Through my tears i said ,"Do me a favour mate, if it rains will you bring her in ? "
Once upon a time, a Prince asked a Princess to marry him.
No!!! The Princess said...!
And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and played golf and dated women half his age and drank scoth and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted...
The End..
My wife decided to wear a burka for a week just to see what the public reaction was like. The first morning she was swore at, punched on the nose, kicked up the arse and recieved death threats, FK knows whats going to happen when she leaves the house !!
My wife and I was watching a movie,, during the sex scene the actress was shouting "oh yes I'm coming"
I asked my wife why dont you tell me when your coming?
She replied I dont like to disturb you while your at work.
I want to hospital with a toilet brush up my arse.
The doctor said "How did this happen?".
I told him, "Well I met this bird in a club, one thing led to another and we ended up back at mine,,,"
"Into the kinky stuff was she?" He asked.
"No ...I said, my wife was home".
Yoko Ono is going in the jungle to advise on bush tucker survival, Because the slitty eyed f r has managed to live off a dead beatle for the last 32 yrs..........
Took the missus to a club at the weekend and there was this bloke on the dance floor giving it the big one...........Break dancing,moonwalks,backflips the lot, The missus looked at me and said," see that guy there, ? well 25 yrs ago he proposed to me and i turned him down, " I said "Yeah , and it looks like he's still F*****g celebrating...!!!
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