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I went to a fortune teller last week.....She studied my hand and said "youv'e been masturbating".. I said " hey you are good. Can you tell me anything about my future?" She looked at my face and said..."you'll be doing it for a Fing long time "

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Deleted Member @ 10/09/2012 22:29

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Before I drop myself right in it,could I ask one question " How many Essex girls are members of BM?"

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Deleted Member @ 10/09/2012 22:31

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No idea Loner...why ?

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Deleted Member @ 10/09/2012 22:33

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Cos I know a few "Essex girl" jokes but they may not be well received by some,and I don't want to offend anyone.

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Deleted Member @ 10/09/2012 22:36

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I know a lot of Chemists too but it didnt stop me lolol...

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Deleted Member @ 10/09/2012 22:38

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Ahh well,bin nice knowin ya Jen!! What's the difference between an Essex girl and an ironing board? It's easier to close the legs on an ironing board. Now I'll duck!

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Deleted Member @ 10/09/2012 22:41

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Brilliant Loner................

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Deleted Member @ 10/09/2012 22:50

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I,ll wait an see reaction before I put any more on Jen,I love a joke but as said I don't want to upset anyone

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Deleted Member @ 10/09/2012 22:52

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Doubt it very much Loner...it will be fine...

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Deleted Member @ 10/09/2012 22:56

justjerry
In: The Lizard
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Ah, Essex girl jokes.... you gotta love em, innit like.

How many Essex girls does it take to make a chocolate chip cookie?

5.... 1 to stir the mixture, the other 4 to peel the smarties

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justjerry @ 10/09/2012 23:20

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Variation on that------ How may Essex girls does it take to change a light bulb? 25---1 to hold the bulb & 24 to turn the house

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Deleted Member @ 11/09/2012 20:38

justjerry
In: The Lizard
Posts: 2505
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What's the difference between an essex boy and an essex girl?....

The girl has a higher sperm count

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justjerry @ 11/09/2012 20:41

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Mickey Mouse is in the process of divorcing his wife Minnie. As they sat in the court room, thejudge asks "Now Mickey you wish to divorce your wife because you think she is crazy?", "No i want to divorce her because she is Fing Goofy "

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Deleted Member @ 11/09/2012 20:42

justjerry
In: The Lizard
Posts: 2505
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What's the difference between Sin and Shame?

It's a Sin to stick it in, but it's a Shame to pull it out

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justjerry @ 11/09/2012 20:48

mad munky
In: Hull
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Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of
tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.

The older of the two pulls a small folder out of her handbag and
starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.

''This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.''

''Yes, I remember him as a baby.'' says the other mother cheerfully.

"He's a martyr now though." the mother confides.

"Oh, so sad dear...'' says the other.

''And > this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21.''

''Oh, I remember him,'' says the other happily, ''he had such curly
hair when he was born.''

''He's a martyr too...'' says the mother quietly.

''Oh, gracious me...'' says the other.

''And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He
would have been 18'', she whispers.

"Yes," says the friend enthusiastically, ''I remember when he first started school...''

''He's a martyr also,'' says the mother, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the right words, says . . .

"They blow up so fast, don't they?"

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of 
tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.

The older of the 
two pulls a small folder out of her handbag and

starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.

''This is my oldest son,  Mujibar. He would have been 24 years 
old now.''

''Yes, I remember him as a baby.'' says the 
other mother cheerfully.

"He's a martyr now though." 
the mother confides.

"Oh, so sad dear...'' 
says the other.

''And > this is my second son, 
Khalid. He would have been 21.''

''Oh, I 
remember him,'' says the other happily, ''he had such curly 
 hair when 
he was born.''

''He's a martyr too...'' says 
the mother quietly.

''Oh, gracious me...'' says the 
other.

''And this is my third son. My baby. My 
beautiful Ahmed. He 
 would have been 18'', she whispers.

"Yes," says the friend enthusiastically, ''I remember when he 
first started school...''

''He's a martyr 
also,'' says the mother, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the right words, says . . .

"They blow up so fast, don't they?"

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mad munky @ 11/09/2012 20:52

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Pmsl....................... A poem about Tomatoes.... I know a man who's name is Jim, I love to lob Tomatoes at him, Tomatoes are soft and they dont hurt the skin, But theses Fers do coz there still in the tin...

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Deleted Member @ 11/09/2012 20:56

justjerry
In: The Lizard
Posts: 2505
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hahahahaha.......

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justjerry @ 11/09/2012 20:57

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Bloke sees advert in pet shop, "talking centipede £5000 , He buys it , takes it home in small box. After 30 mins, opens box and says "would you like to go for a pint ?" The centipede doesnt answer. Raising his voice he repeats the question. still no reply. Getting angry, thinking he's been done,he shouts the question loudly. At which the centipede sticks his head out of his box and says "I heared you the 1st time you c, im putting my Fiing shoes on !!!

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Deleted Member @ 11/09/2012 21:23

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What's the brown bits between Elephants toes? Slow Natives

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Deleted Member @ 11/09/2012 21:28

DAVE VM
In: Bexhill On Sea
Posts: 12014
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One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry Honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and i want to stay fresh." The husband feeling rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again . This time he whispers in her ear, " Do you have a Dentist appointment tomorrow too ?"

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DAVE VM @ 13/09/2012 19:46

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Jokes, Games & Silly Things

over 18' only

over 18' only

Posts: 767 Pages: 16/39

Posts: 767 Pages: 16/39

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