Based on statistics,the most used sexual position among married couples is doggy-style !
The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead !!
I can't stand people who moan and groan thinking they are worse off than others.....my mate Derek is brilliant, he had a nasty accident and lost both his feet and his voice.... does he make a song and dance about it ? NO ..
John Terry can't win...Found guilty he will be kicked out of the English Premier League,
Found not guilty he will be kicked out of the English Defence league............
I was sacked from my job as a bingo caller last night.
Apparantly " A meal for two with a hairy view " is not an acceptable way to describe the number 69 !!
A girl sneezed in the pub and her glass eye flew out and landed in my hand. I took it back to her and we got chatting. After a few beers i took her home and had sex with her. Wondering if she was a bit of a slapper i asked her " Do you have sex with everyone on a first date "? She said "No, only those that catch my eye "....
Two ISS fitters were setting up shop and were into the second day with just a counter and a few shelves put up. One says to his partner " I bet some nosey old pensioner will tap on the window and ask what we are selling ". Sure enough within minutes and old lady did just that. "What are you selling ?" Sarcastically one of the men said "Arseholes" !. The old lady replied without a pause "Must be doing well, only two left!"..
He must have an amazing penis because every time he finishes talking to someone and turns around to walk away, i can hear them whisper, "What a Dick"...
I was at the gym last night when I noticed a hole in my trainer just big enough to get my finger in, anyway she made a formal complaint & I have been banned for life!
My wife came home drunk last night,- as she was undressing she stumbled ,fell over & passed out. Knickers round ankles & minge on show !! I thought "No way was i gonna miss an opportunity like this "!
So i went out with the lads !!.
My missus packed my bags and as i walked to the door she screemed ...." I wish you a slow and painful death you !" .... "Oh" i replied ... "So you want me to stay now do you ?" ...
Man staggers into a hospital with concussion, multiple bruises, 2 black eyes & a 5 iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Doctor asks "What happened to you ?" "well i was playing golf with the wife when we both sliced out golf balls into a field of cows. I found one stuck up a cow's minge....."I yelled to my wife "this looks like yours"........and i dont remember much after that !"
The best engine in the world is the fanny,it pulls anything,it takes any size piston,is self lubricating,starts with 1 finger and every 4 weeks does its own oil change------- just a pity the management system is so temperamental!
This boy takes his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, andwhen they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and saysto her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?""What? You're crazy???!!!""Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem.""No!! Someone may see; a relative, a neighbor...""At this time of the night no one will show up..""I've already said NO, and NO!""Honey, it's just a small blowie... I know you like it too..""NO!!! I've said NO!!!""My love.. don't be like that.."At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in nightgownwith hair totally in disorder, rubbing her eyes and says."Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him,or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's saketo tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!"
The other day, my friends and I went to a "Ladies Night Club." Oneof the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She callsthe guy back over, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other buttcheek.In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pullsout a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the bill. I'm worriedabout the way things are going, but fortunately she just stuck it to oneof his butt cheeks, again.My relief was short lived. Seeing the way things are going, the guygyrates over to me! Now everyone's attention is focused on me, andthe guy's egging me on to try to top the $50.My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do?Then the marketer in me took over!I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ass, grabbedthe 80 bucks, and went home. .
![over 18' only (13) - Forums [Biker Match]](/images/backgrounds/strips/8mobileLQ.jpg)
![over 18' only (13) - Forums [Biker Match]](/images/backgrounds/strips/8desktopLQ.jpg)
