Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted todo was eat, drink and be Mary.Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43, who was lookingfor some hot action! So I sent her my ironing. That'll keep the lazywoman busy.I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently aturban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex Bill woke up to findhimself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realised he hadmade it home safely.My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours tohoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window.If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To behonest I only intended to rough him up a bit.After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes womenhappy. Nothing.A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had apart in the school play and he was playing a man who had been marriedfor 25 years. The dad says, "Never mind son, maybe next year you'llget a speaking part."Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfamcan supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to changemy supplier I think.Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I saidwhite they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30minutes.. I think they must have been Hovis Witnesses.
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