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Truth from the guys side

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whackojacko
In: Ayr
Posts: 1571
Karma:

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules: •Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. • Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that 1. • Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. • Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be 1. • Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. • Crying is blackmail. 1. • Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: • Subtle hints do not work! • Strong hints do not work! • Obvious hints do not work! • JUST SAY IT! 1. • ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question 1. • Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for 1. • A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor 1. • Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days 1. • If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us 1. • If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one 1. • You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done • Not both • If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself 1. • Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials 1. • Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we 1. • ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. • Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. • We have no idea what mauve is. 1. • If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. • If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle 1. • If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear 1. • When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really 1. • Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as: – Sex, – Sport, or – Cars 1. • You have enough clothes 1. • You have too many shoes 1. • I am in shape. Round is a shape. 1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping. Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education

<![endif]-->

We always hear "the rules" from the female
side. Now here are the rules  from the male side.

These are our rules:

•Please note... these are all
numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

•  Breasts are
for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that

•  Learn to work
the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it
up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it
down.

•  Saturday =
sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be

•  Shopping is
NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

•  Crying is
blackmail.

•  Ask for what
you want. Let us be clear on this one:

•  Subtle hints
do not work!

•  Strong hints
do not work!

•  Obvious hints
do not work!

•  JUST SAY
IT!

•  ‘Yes’ and ‘No’
are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question

•  Come to us
with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is
what your girlfriends are for

•  A headache
that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor

•  Anything we
said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become
null and void after 7 days

•  If you think
you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us

•  If something
we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or
angry, we meant the other one

•  You can either
ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done

•  Not both

•  If you already
know best how to do it, just do it yourself

•  Whenever
possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials

•  Christopher
Columbus did not need directions and neither do we

•  ALL men see in
only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.

•  Peach, for
example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

•  We have no
idea what mauve is.

•  If it itches,
it will be scratched. We do that.

•  If we ask what
is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We
know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle

•  If you ask a
question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear

•  When we have
to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really

•  Don't ask us
what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics
as:

– Sex,

– Sport, or

– Cars

•  You have
enough clothes

•  You have too
many shoes

•  I am in shape.
Round is a shape.

Thank you for
reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the

couch tonight, but did you know men really
don't mind that, it's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a
laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them
an education

Jokes, Games & Silly Things