If I had a pound for each time I have seen a silver haired biker with a beautiful pillion passenger, possibly in her twenties, I wouldn’t be rich but would certainly have the funds to fund a couple of rounds of drinks. So how does an old timer manage to pull a fine young tender filly? I guess that it’s like most other things in life insofar one first has to prepare a plan. Here’s my own ten key pointers.
1. Although some young ladies are exceptionally hairy NEVER, in any context use such words as filly, riding, riding whip, lovely ass, fancy a gallop, mounting, fine fetlocks, or other such horsey words of endearment which all routinely trip off the tongue within an established relationship i.e. once a filly has learned her place.
2. All fillies (sorry ‘ladies’) like to go slow at the beginning of a relationship (leastways they like to so pretend) so in no publicity data ever boast of exceeding say 28 m.p.h. and any photographed low handlebars should be covered over with your favourite sou’ wester or other riding apparel.
3. Never explicitly state what you seek in a filly (sorry ‘lady’ there I go again), for example never refer to small firm (lets say ‘hands’) but rather ‘a good friend like my sister has always been to me.’ At every opportunity display family loyalty, and remind her of her strong sisterhood emotions. If she feels that you can love your sister then she’ll imagine you likewise loving her.
4. Appearances are key (a) Keep any walking stick highly polished, (b) Hang a few bags on your bike, as she’ll need space for her accessories, Tesco bags are fine – ladies like familiarity, (c) Fully shave, or boast a full mature beard, as ladies seeking an older gentlemen don’t like to see either confusion or conformity, (d) Any hairpiece must be very hard fixed to the scalp. There’s nothing more embarrassing than accidentally turning your helmet into a bird’s nest, (e) False teeth need to likewise long-term cemented as - far sooner than you expect - she’ll expect to make love for at least 24 hours as none of her younger male friends have that know how, experience, or horse power. Sorry, there’s that forbidden word again!
5. At some point in time she’ll ask for a go at riding your bike. She doesn’t really want a go, but rather needs to see how firm you can be with her. Female bikers are not on the whole liberated, so give her a firm slap on the (I didn’t say ‘ass’) and remind her that her role is behind, with arms tightly around you keeping you warm. Believe me she’ll love firm correction.
6. Be consistent with what lady bikers adore i.e. chauvinism. If say you both urgently need the one remaining site portaloo then always make her go second. But be complimentary. Perhaps comment on how you love to see her dance.
7. Never appear to be smarter than her. If you borrow ten shillings then offer to repay her with seven. So, there we are my ten key pointers. It’s all about attitude, established roles, and you being what every biker lady wants. Oh and I forgot to mention – every three months or so tell her that she’s your gal. She’ll pretend not to hear, but observe her play with her hair. And the more she loves it all the more she’ll protest. Just watch the female howling which will appear below. Complete endorsement. Some female bikers can read. Really. Those that can’t paint pictures or letters on their bodies. (Many even confuse Japanese with English). It’s nothing to do with being former prisoners of war. Trust me.
Is this what is known as dry humour? I hope it ain't for real. Chauvinism at its best/ worst! Oldelvan you sure know how to alienate the female population 😂😛
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