Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Today is the day you will discover your larger cosmic destiny! A television infomercial and an 800 number are somehow involved.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You are having a serious problem. Your only hope at this point is to consult a reputable florist. You will find them in the Yellow Pages, under "Florists, Reputable."
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Excellent day to get involved in one or more conspiracies. If you can hold secret meetings in darkened rooms, so much the better!
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will have a rather unfortunate episode involving turnips, today. Later, however, you'll be able to write a killer song about it.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
This is a good time to start becoming a connosieur. You have to take that one thing at a time, though - e.g. nobody is going to become a wine connosier overnight. Start with something that's fun to say. Pumpernickel, for example.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Big career move today! Oddly, your decision will be somehow related to a pamphlet called "Goat Herding Made Easy".
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
Be careful if you try to be funny, today. Although you are normally renowned for your dry wit, you may be a bit soggy, today.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Thrombosis. Beware. Also, your best friend will rush up and indicate by nonverbal means that Timmy is trapped under a log again.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Good day to go out and play in the mud. Or at least, find some way of making squishy sounds.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Old Neil Diamond songs will circle endlessly in your mind today. I recommend screaming and pounding your head on the table.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Today you will wonder where idiomatic expressions come from, and whether you can start one yourself. Be careful, though. The first person to say "nothing succeeds like success" must have sounded like a real idiot.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will begin a spiritual journey. The karmic chaos which has surrounded you begins to settle into a new pattern. Also, you will become strangely fascinated by electric juicers.
Jack Jones In: Lincolnshire Bas
Posts: 1468
Karma:
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
Be careful if you try to be funny, today. Although you are normally renowned for your dry wit, you may be a bit soggy, today.
( you mean pi**ed dont you ? )
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