Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Today the universe will stop expanding, and start contracting. You will be the only one who notices. Also, you will develop a strange desire to wear golf shoes.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today you will irritate people. In fact, you'll irritate yourself.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Today you will notice yet another large freshly-dug mound of dirt in your neighbor's back yard. It's probably nothing -- he probably just digs at night if he can't get to sleep. I know I do.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
A creature from the 7th dimension will become attached to your leg, and will be impossible to remove. Eventually, you'll simply get used to it.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You will discover a new "5th law" of Thermodynamics. The first law says "you can't win." The second law says "you can't break even." The 5th law, however, says "never draw to an inside straight."
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you will realize that you've always wanted to have the biggest ball of string in town, and will start collecting odd bits of string at every opportunity. Eventually, you will make it into the Guiness Book of World Records, right next to the Giant Happy Tape Ball record set by Mr. S. Boondoggle.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
You will discover a horror almost beyond imagining today -- your home is inhabited by the ghost of an insurance salesman. Who you gonna call?
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Paper airplane day, today. Have as much fun as you can stand -- tomorrow will be ugly.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You'll become best pals with a large invisible rabbit, today. Well, actually he's a "puka", which is a type of Celtic spirit, but he'll look like a large invisible rabbit.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
An old nickname will surface today, much to your dismay, "Giggles".
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
It was a simple mistake, which anyone could have made. What's more, now you know better. I think, though, that the expression is too widespread for you to actually get it changed to "never look a gift horse in either end".
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will invent a cool machine that will automatically make over 800 different varieties of coffee drinks. Unfortunately, everyone will go back to drinking just plain coffee.
Have a great day everyone
![Your Horoscope for today 18th June 2011 - Forums [Biker Match]](/images/backgrounds/strips/8mobileLQ.jpg)
![Your Horoscope for today 18th June 2011 - Forums [Biker Match]](/images/backgrounds/strips/8desktopLQ.jpg)
