Nutkin... thankyou so much! This is why I love these forums... people that don't know me from adam give of their time to offer some advice...
Yes... all of what you say makes sense, and I will call his CAMHS team and see what they say. I know he has anxiety issues about returning to year 6 next week (he just watched his sister go through year 6 and it is hard work!) and there is a residential school trip coming up too. I am going to be spending some time with him today, cleaning the car and the bike... so will see what happens!
Ian - Big hugs to your little one ((((HUGZ))))
Cissy - there are no easy answers to parenting, all you can do is your best and yes sometimes we feel that even thats not good enough, have faith that your son will find the right time to confide in you or somebody else what is troubling him, I always tried to teach my son that having someone to talk to about anything was important and it didnt have to be me just somebody he felt comfortable with, he choose my eldest nephew and i am grateful for that.
Doesnt matter how tough we think life is there is always somebody worse off than you, which is why when i wake up each day and get out of bed i know its a good day :)
Yep agree totally BJ... this ain't a dress rehearsal and all that! I know there are a lot of people worse off than me out there, and me is actually fine lol...
Cissy, I know what it's like when you've got a child denying what to everyone else is glaringly obvious. You really want to throttle them, don't you? Not literally (just in case anyone in child protection is watching!), but momentarily the thought flits across your mind.Problem is when he refuses to engage with education/social services/voluntary agencies/child psychiatrists - eventually they'll walk away as they've got better things to do and you're just left to muddle through on your own and unsupported. The risk is that eventually the case will end up with the social workers of last resort, ie the police. And that will open up yet another can of worms.Big hugs to you all cos you need it. If Ian feels uncomfortable with that, then a manly handshake and a clap on the back!
All this makes sense then Cissy, he is anxious and the only way he can express himself is by hitting out, in this case the tyre. Maybe the residential visit is not such a good idea as he is feeling like he is, often kids cry a lot as well as have a lot of fun, but they dont have the anxiety going on in them like your boy. A friend of mine never let her twins go on one the other year, it didnt matter, they just went to school as normal, after I suggested she contacted the school, similar situation. Could you contact the school to have a word with them this week? There is always staff in even over the holidays so they are aware for when he goes back of his worries and catch observe him and understand why he is like he is if he does anything. Each school has a Head of Year, department, they could refer you to the member of staff who supports teens, they are especially trained to keep an eye on them and email the staff so they can too, its all confidential ( we follow a Code of Confidentiality) and you may feel reassured he is being kept an eye on. It always helps in school if we have an idea whats going on at home/out of school as we can make allowances and report back to parents. I hope he opens up today but it may take a while, just have a laugh and get soaked with the hosepipe together, be as daft as he is and come down to his level and be a kid again :-) he will think your cool :-)
Wills was offering hugs to everyone on t'thread Ian... but if you don't want a hug you can have a manly handshake instead.
That's what it's got to do with you
well, our babies and their heartache and pain uh?? Any one of us would rather swap places but we cant! Im seeing it second hand now with my "baby" going through all the worries and woes of parenthood with his own little one now - my precious grand daughter of 22 months!!! Had a weekend of her screaming in pain, walking the floor all night trying to pacify her to no avail........boy did that bring back memories of years gone by and what goes around comes around they say and as I told him when little and naughty "one day my lad, you'll get yours lol""........well the day has come now and he fully understands what being a parent is all about. All I can say is, when our little ones get stuff like this very young.........there is a good chance of it improving and them growing out of it. Stress is a hidden but still relatively unknown and powerful factor in our health problems. I agree with Nut..................focus on taking their little minds off it all, constantly reassurring and comforting, having fun, confirming what amazing wonderful little ppl they still are no matter what and just enjoy being a kid.........you and them together. She'll grow up and come through it all Ian and so will you.....................hopefully sooner rather than later too. These little ones are tougher than we think you know, more so than us sometimes and one day you'll look back and it will all just be a bad dream. Be strong, look foward and she will too......tomorrow is another day so they say........can only get better, I guess we all have to continue to believe that dont we??
Sandy
xxxx
Lots of wise words here...thankyou everyone!
We now have a gleaming car.... the son has gone off to his mate's so I am left to clean the bike alone...bless!
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