The 5 questions most feared by men are:1. What are you thinking about?2. Do you love me?3. Do I look fat in this?4. Do you think she is prettier than me?5. What would you do if I died?What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: " I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:a. Football.b. Golf.c. How fat you are.d. How much prettier she is than youe. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"Question # 2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."Inappropriate responses include:a. Oh Yeah, sh@*-loads.b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?c. That depends on what you mean by love.d. Does it matter?e. Who, me?Question # 3: Do I look fat?The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:a. Compared to what?b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.c. A little extra weight looks good on you.d. I've seen fatter.e. Sorry what did you say? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include:a. Yes, but you have a better personalityb. Not prettier, but definitely thinnerc. Not as pretty as you when you were her aged. Define prettye. Sorry what did you say ? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.Question # 5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question.(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Lotus and a Boat").
You missed one Rags, and in my opinion the most important of all......... Do you-(insert name here)- take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife? Now that is a scary question, it had me teetering on the brink for a second, until I remembered her brothers were covering both exits and I didn't know how to get through the Rectory to make good on my escape. (note to self, know your environment).
. . . and when blokes ask 'When's dinner ready' every ninety seconds for two hours, and then go off and faff about with their bikes about ten seconds before it's put on the table!!
if you are still trying to fathom out a womans mind after the age of 30, then you have had a very sheltered life.
The one question feared by men of all ages once the knot is tied is this................Does this dress make my bum look big? The correct answer is of course, 'you look just perfect darling!' anything other than that and you really have a death wish.
"if you are still trying to fathom out a womans mind after the age of 30, then you have had a very sheltered life."
or you're a slow learner. Otherwise you'd have learned by now that it's an impossible task because, even when you get it sussed and do stuff how they like it, they'll just change the rules to keep you on your toes.