Apparently these were comments over heard in Waitrose ...... 1) JAMES, for heaven’s sake, put it back this instant!
“It” was a Toffee Crisp and James was a man in his late 40’s wearing a checked shirt, cordoruy trousers and a haunted facial expression that said, “One day I will smother you as you sleep”
2)
“Eeeew Mum why have you got Waitrose essential carrots?”
“They’re fine for the horse darling”
3)
Shopping in Waitrose in Hampton yesterday, I realised I have inadvertently become one ‘of those’ mothers… Throwing himself on the floor having a full on tantrum in the fresh produce aisle was my 22 month old son- why? Because I wouldn’t let him have sweets, chocolate, a toy? No, no, this toddler was was having a melt down because I wouldn’t allow him to open the ‘black pepper and rosemary infused olives’ right there and then. As he stamped his feet shouting ‘olives, now’ I felt like I was having an out of body experience as I heard myself say ‘sorry darling, you can have the olives as soon as we get home’.
Middle class suburbia has taken our souls.
4)
In Waitrose Headington near the cigarette counter. 1st woman: “…no gas lighter refills”. 2nd woman: “Huh? You don’t smoke”. 1st woman: “No. I need one for my crème brulée torch”. 2nd woman: “Of course”.
5)
Overheard in Waitrose, Bristol: Woman to friend, “You’ve lost a quite a bit of weight recently!” He replies, “It’s because I stopped adding truffle oil to everything.” They then threw both their heads back with laughter
6)
I was in Waitrose at around 7.30pm. All I had purchased was a tub of Ben & Jerry’s and some wine. The woman serving me scanned my items, then looked at me with the most pityful eyes and asked “single are we?” 7)
Lady screaming for her lost little child, ‘Heathcliff, Heathcliff!’
No wonder he would not return…… 8)
‘Elspeth, can you get a lime please sweetheart?’ ‘Yes mummy. Is it for your Gin & Tonic?’ ‘Yes, of course it is.’ 9)
Overheard in Waitrose’s Morningside Edinburgh store on Tuesday 16 September… “I’ve got a good stash of green tokens, darling, ready to use as currency incase we go independent.” 10)
Lady: Steven darling…? Man: Yes dear…? Lady: Why have we got cashews and goats’ milk in our basket? Man: For the squirrels of course… Lady: Oh you are good
I do most of my shopping at Aldi. It's all business with none of the conversations like the above. Besides, most of the conversations that I do overhear aren't even in English.
Waitrose coz I get a Free Coffee! Android934, I was in Christchurch Waitrose over Christmas, funny how next to it is the underpass that the homeless sit in covered in Duvets... What a Society!
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