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Jokes, Games & Silly Things

The most functional English word.

The most functional English word. (3) - Forums [Biker Match] The most functional English word. (3) - Forums [Biker Match]
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The most functional English word.

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talking of shit,no one knocked on the door all yesterday so I thought I'd get rid of some shit,sat there for two minutes deep in thought when a shithead Britishitgas salesman knocks on the shitting door halway through my Henry the 3rd What shitty thing to do to someone,b*****d shit for brains.

   Update Reply
Oggy @ 30/08/2007 15:17  

awwww...Oggy....that's poo!!!!!.....sorry - that's a shit kicker!!

   Update Reply
Holmfirthgirl @ 30/08/2007 16:03  

It did cross my mind to kick the shit out of him

   Update Reply
Oggy @ 30/08/2007 17:24  

So you think you know shit????? Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt."<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p> <?xml:namespace prefix = v ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:vml" /><v:shapetype id=_x0000_t75 stroked="f" filled="f" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" o:preferrelative="t" o:spt="75" coordsize="21600,21600"><v:stroke joinstyle="miter"></v:stroke><v:formulas><v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"></v:f></v:formulas><v:path o:connecttype="rect" gradientshapeok="t" o:extrusionok="f"></v:path><o:lock aspectratio="t" v:ext="edit"></o:lock></v:shapetype><v:shape id=_x0000_s1026 style="MARGIN-TOP: 30.4pt; Z-INDEX: 1; MARGIN-LEFT: 154.35pt; WIDTH: 96.9pt; POSITION: absolute; HEIGHT: 125.85pt; mso-wrap-edited: f; mso-position-horizontal: absolute; mso-position-horizontal-relative: text; mso-position-vertical: absolute; mso-position-vertical-relative: text" o:allowincell="f" wrapcoords="-167 0 -167 21471 21600 21471 21600 0 -167 0" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:title="" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\Martin\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\03\clip_image001.gif"></v:imagedata><?xml:namespace prefix = w ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:word" /><w:wrap type="through"></w:wrap></v:shape>Now you can intellectually handle the situation.<o:p> </o:p> <o:p> </o:p> Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt.<o:p></o:p> <v:shape id=_x0000_s1027 style="MARGIN-TOP: 0.5pt; Z-INDEX: 2; MARGIN-LEFT: 208.35pt; WIDTH: 77pt; POSITION: absolute; HEIGHT: 96.9pt; mso-wrap-edited: f; mso-position-horizontal: absolute; mso-position-horizontal-relative: text; mso-position-vertical: absolute; mso-position-vertical-relative: text" o:allowincell="f" wrapcoords="-210 0 -210 21433 21600 21433 21600 0 -210 0" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:title="" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\Martin\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\03\clip_image002.gif"></v:imagedata><w:wrap type="through"></w:wrap></v:shape> <o:p> </o:p><o:p> </o:p> Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, a partner of Kneedeep &. Schitt Inc.<o:p></o:p> <o:p> </o:p> <v:shape id=_x0000_s1033 style="MARGIN-TOP: 79pt; Z-INDEX: 8; MARGIN-LEFT: 424.35pt; WIDTH: 42.25pt; POSITION: absolute; HEIGHT: 66.25pt; mso-wrap-edited: f; mso-position-horizontal: absolute; mso-position-horizontal-relative: text; mso-position-vertical: absolute; mso-position-vertical-relative: text" o:allowincell="f" wrapcoords="-386 0 -386 21355 21600 21355 21600 0 -386 0" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:title="" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\Martin\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\03\clip_image003.gif"></v:imagedata><w:wrap type="through"></w:wrap></v:shape><v:shape id=_x0000_s1032 style="MARGIN-TOP: 79pt; Z-INDEX: 7; MARGIN-LEFT: 352.35pt; WIDTH: 42.25pt; POSITION: absolute; HEIGHT: 66.25pt; mso-wrap-edited: f; mso-position-horizontal: absolute; mso-position-horizontal-relative: text; mso-position-vertical: absolute; mso-position-vertical-relative: text" o:allowincell="f" wrapcoords="-386 0 -386 21355 21600 21355 21600 0 -386 0" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:title="" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\Martin\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\03\clip_image004.gif"></v:imagedata><w:wrap type="through"></w:wrap></v:shape><v:shape id=_x0000_s1031 style="MARGIN-TOP: 79pt; Z-INDEX: 6; MARGIN-LEFT: 217.35pt; WIDTH: 67.1pt; POSITION: absolute; HEIGHT: 67.1pt; mso-wrap-edited: f; mso-position-horizontal: absolute; mso-position-horizontal-relative: text; mso-position-vertical: absolute; mso-position-vertical-relative: text" o:allowincell="f" wrapcoords="-243 0 -243 21357 21600 21357 21600 0 -243 0" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:title="" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\Martin\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\03\clip_image005.gif"></v:imagedata><w:wrap type="through"></w:wrap></v:shape><v:shape id=_x0000_s1030 style="MARGIN-TOP: 79pt; Z-INDEX: 5; MARGIN-LEFT: 145.35pt; WIDTH: 47.25pt; POSITION: absolute; HEIGHT: 59.65pt; mso-wrap-edited: f; mso-position-horizontal: absolute; mso-position-horizontal-relative: text; mso-position-vertical: absolute; mso-position-vertical-relative: text" o:allowincell="f" wrapcoords="-343 0 -343 21330 21600 21330 21600 0 -343 0" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:title="" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\Martin\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\03\clip_image006.gif"></v:imagedata><w:wrap type="through"></w:wrap></v:shape><v:shape id=_x0000_s1029 style="MARGIN-TOP: 79pt; Z-INDEX: 4; MARGIN-LEFT: 82.35pt; WIDTH: 47.2pt; POSITION: absolute; HEIGHT: 59.65pt; mso-wrap-edited: f; mso-position-horizontal: absolute; mso-position-horizontal-relative: text; mso-position-vertical: absolute; mso-position-vertical-relative: text" o:allowincell="f" wrapcoords="-343 0 -343 21330 21600 21330 21600 0 -343 0" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:title="" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\Martin\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\03\clip_image007.gif"></v:imagedata><w:wrap type="through"></w:wrap></v:shape><v:shape id=_x0000_s1028 style="MARGIN-TOP: 79pt; Z-INDEX: 3; MARGIN-LEFT: 28.35pt; WIDTH: 38.95pt; POSITION: absolute; HEIGHT: 62.15pt; mso-wrap-edited: f; mso-position-horizontal: absolute; mso-position-horizontal-relative: text; mso-position-vertical: absolute; mso-position-vertical-relative: text" o:allowincell="f" wrapcoords="-415 0 -415 21340 21600 21340 21600 0 -415 0" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:title="" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\Martin\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\03\clip_image008.gif"></v:imagedata><w:wrap type="through"></w:wrap></v:shape>In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.<o:p></o:p> <o:p></o:p> <o:p> </o:p>Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.<o:p></o:p> <o:p> </o:p> Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living With them she wanted to keep her previous name. <o:p></o:p> She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.<o:p></o:p> <o:p> </o:p> Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.<o:p></o:p> <o:p> </o:p> Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding.<o:p></o:p> <o:p> </o:p> The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Italy</st1:place></st1:country-region> with his new bride, Piza Schitt.<o:p></o:p> <o:p> </o:p><v:shape id=_x0000_s1034 style="MARGIN-TOP: 2.45pt; Z-INDEX: 9; MARGIN-LEFT: 145.35pt; WIDTH: 53.85pt; POSITION: absolute; HEIGHT: 96.05pt; mso-wrap-edited: f; mso-position-horizontal: absolute; mso-position-horizontal-relative: text; mso-position-vertical: absolute; mso-position-vertical-relative: text" o:allowincell="f" wrapcoords="-300 0 -300 21431 21600 21431 21600 0 -300 0" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:title="" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\Martin\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\03\clip_image010.gif"></v:imagedata><w:wrap type="through"></w:wrap></v:shape> <o:p> </o:p><o:p> </o:p> So now if someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them. Not only do you know Jack, you know his whole family! <v:shape id=_x0000_s1027 style="MARGIN-TOP: 0.5pt; Z-INDEX: 2; MARGIN-LEFT: 208.35pt; WIDTH: 77pt; POSITION: absolute; HEIGHT: 96.9pt; mso-wrap-edited: f; mso-position-horizontal: absolute; mso-position-horizontal-relative: text; mso-position-vertical: absolute; mso-position-vertical-relative: text" o:allowincell="f" wrapcoords="-210 0 -210 21433 21600 21433 21600 0 -210 0" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:title="" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\Martin\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\03\clip_image002.gif"></v:imagedata><w:wrap type="through"></w:wrap></v:shape><o:p><o:p></o:p> <o:p> </o:p> <v:shape id=_x0000_s1033 style="MARGIN-TOP: 79pt; Z-INDEX: 8; MARGIN-LEFT: 424.35pt; WIDTH: 42.25pt; POSITION: absolute; HEIGHT: 66.25pt; mso-wrap-edited: f; mso-position-horizontal: absolute; mso-position-horizontal-relative: text; mso-position-vertical: absolute; mso-position-vertical-relative: text" o:allowincell="f" wrapcoords="-386 0 -386 21355 21600 21355 21600 0 -386 0" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:title="" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\Martin\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\03\clip_image003.gif"></v:imagedata><w:wrap type="through"></w:wrap></v:shape><v:shape id=_x0000_s1032 style="MARGIN-TOP: 79pt; Z-INDEX: 7; MARGIN-LEFT: 352.35pt; WIDTH: 42.25pt; POSITION: absolute; HEIGHT: 66.25pt; mso-wrap-edited: f; mso-position-horizontal: absolute; mso-position-horizontal-relative: text; mso-position-vertical: absolute; mso-position-vertical-relative: text" o:allowincell="f" wrapcoords="-386 0 -386 21355 21600 21355 21600 0 -386 0" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:title="" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\Martin\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\03\clip_image004.gif"></v:imagedata><w:wrap type="through"></w:wrap></v:shape><v:shape id=_x0000_s1031 style="MARGIN-TOP: 79pt; Z-INDEX: 6; MARGIN-LEFT: 217.35pt; WIDTH: 67.1pt; POSITION: absolute; HEIGHT: 67.1pt; mso-wrap-edited: f; mso-position-horizontal: absolute; mso-position-horizontal-relative: text; mso-position-vertical: absolute; mso-position-vertical-relative: text" o:allowincell="f" wrapcoords="-243 0 -243 21357 21600 21357 21600 0 -243 0" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:title="" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\Martin\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\03\clip_image005.gif"></v:imagedata><w:wrap type="through"></w:wrap></v:shape><v:shape id=_x0000_s1030 style="MARGIN-TOP: 79pt; Z-INDEX: 5; MARGIN-LEFT: 145.35pt; WIDTH: 47.25pt; POSITION: absolute; HEIGHT: 59.65pt; mso-wrap-edited: f; mso-position-horizontal: absolute; mso-position-horizontal-relative: text; mso-position-vertical: absolute; mso-position-vertical-relative: text" o:allowincell="f" wrapcoords="-343 0 -343 21330 21600 21330 21600 0 -343 0" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:title="" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\Martin\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\03\clip_image006.gif"></v:imagedata><w:wrap type="through"></w:wrap></v:shape><v:shape id=_x0000_s1029 style="MARGIN-TOP: 79pt; Z-INDEX: 4; MARGIN-LEFT: 82.35pt; WIDTH: 47.2pt; POSITION: absolute; HEIGHT: 59.65pt; mso-wrap-edited: f; mso-position-horizontal: absolute; mso-position-horizontal-relative: text; mso-position-vertical: absolute; mso-position-vertical-relative: text" o:allowincell="f" wrapcoords="-343 0 -343 21330 21600 21330 21600 0 -343 0" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:title="" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\Martin\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\03\clip_image007.gif"></v:imagedata><w:wrap type="through"></w:wrap></v:shape><v:shape id=_x0000_s1028 style="MARGIN-TOP: 79pt; Z-INDEX: 3; MARGIN-LEFT: 28.35pt; WIDTH: 38.95pt; POSITION: absolute; HEIGHT: 62.15pt; mso-wrap-edited: f; mso-position-horizontal: absolute; mso-position-horizontal-relative: text; mso-position-vertical: absolute; mso-position-vertical-relative: text" o:allowincell="f" wrapcoords="-415 0 -415 21340 21600 21340 21600 0 -415 0" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:title="" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\Martin\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\03\clip_image008.gif"></v:imagedata><w:wrap type="through"></w:wrap></v:shape></o:p>

   Update Reply
Steve55 @ 30/08/2007 19:17  


   Update Reply
bluesbiker @ 30/08/2007 19:20  

enlightening!

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tangoman60 @ 30/08/2007 19:22  

Steve 55 - that's cracking good shit mate!!!

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Holmfirthgirl @ 31/08/2007 09:29  

Never try to hold a shit for more than hour,makes your breath smell.

   Update Reply
Oggy @ 31/08/2007 11:02  


   Update Reply
Speedy Claire @ 31/08/2007 13:32  

Oggy said 'Never try to hold a shit for more than hour,makes your breath smell. ' Question - how do you know that????? (do I really wanna know the answer?????

   Update Reply
Holmfirthgirl @ 31/08/2007 13:34  

I've noticed it with people I've work with & 'X' g/f's.oh & the x wife not something from personal expirence.Ask someone to try it & check it out & remember,if a date has bad breath,ask them if they need the toilet.

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Oggy @ 31/08/2007 13:48  

sewers back up an smell so guess that makes sense!

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tangoman60 @ 31/08/2007 15:04  

spot on

   Update Reply
Oggy @ 31/08/2007 15:17  

jus dont burp an follow through!!!

   Update Reply
tangoman60 @ 31/08/2007 16:54  

@ tangoman

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Di @ 31/08/2007 16:55  

at me or with me diane ,incedently yu have same surname,sorry mine with a p!

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tangoman60 @ 31/08/2007 17:01  

Tis actually very true.... and am speaking from personal experience but only as a nurse lol.... people can become so consipated that they can smell of poo and will then go on to actually vomit faeces!!!!! Have experienced it many times so if your date smells of poo then would suggest you advise him/her to seek medical help immediately lmao Moving on!..................

   Update Reply
Speedy Claire @ 31/08/2007 17:07  

aint life funny!lern sommat new every day!subscription well worth the money!!

   Update Reply
tangoman60 @ 31/08/2007 17:16  

sorry cbr gonna carry on its so entertainin!

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tangoman60 @ 31/08/2007 17:17  

jesus,Claire! brings a whole new meaning to shitbreath & spewing a load of shit.

   Update Reply
Oggy @ 31/08/2007 20:08  

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