Sometimes when you cry theres no one to see your tears.
When you're hurt no one sees your pain.
When you're happy no one to see your smile.
But you just try having a five knuckle shuffle on the bus & see how much f*cking attention you get!!!
p.s can any one pick me up from the police staion in about an hour?
I know what you mean oggy... the World has gone mad...
Scream in a library and everybody tells you to be quiet... scream on a plane and they all join in!
p.s. I want to the doctor's last week and he told me I had to stop masturbating........................ apparently it was upsetting the other people in the waiting room!
In the absence of a "What Made You Want To Curl Up & Die From Embarrassment Today?" thread, this seems like as good a place as any to impart my toe-curlingly cringeworthy journey home anecdote...
I was singing.
Never a good idea to start with.
I was really getting into it (Big Love - the version on The Dance album)... Giving it large... & I kinda slightly over-exaggerated the "ooh--aahhh" bits at the end of it... conveniently forgetting that my window was down as I had a fag on...
I realised there was more clapping and cheering at the end of the track than is usual and glanced to my right to find 2 white van men killing themselves laughing and applauding me... & if that wasn't bad enough... I am, by this point a nice shade of pillar box red... their line of traffic started moving and the passenger leaned out the window to yell at the top of his voice:
"F-me! Meg Ryan's got nothing on you darlin!"
Why does the ground never open up to swallow you whole when you really need it to?
And why does your line of traffic start moving so that you have to drive past them AGAIN?! ROFL!
Although I'm certain that the good Mr Buckingham intended it to be performed like that... just the record company figured it was a wee bit too raunchy *WEG*
Wannabe I have been there and done that only I was on my bike, to calm me down when I was learning to ride I used to sing at the top of my voice (totally tone deaf so not a good idea really) One day I was singing "I am singing in the rain" oh yeah and it was well sunny but I was dripping with sweat because of being nervous, I pulled up at an island still singing away only to turn to the right of me and see two fab looking guys killing themselves laughing, then I realised why not only was I singing but I had my visor open to, needless to say it was visor down, head down and away I tried make a hasty get away only I ended up flipping stalling my bike. Then these guys shouted at me "Hey lady wanna push"
reminds me of breaking down in the middle of dundee and being seranaded by a group of students with baby you can drive my car.They were far to busy singing to come and lend a hand
I broke down in my old Morris Minor once... filled with my college class mates... we were all studying for our BTEC in Technology... which back in those days meant mechanical engineering, electrical and electronic engineering and general associated techy stuff.
Did any one of them have half a clue?
Not a chance!
They all sat there shrugging their shoulders, so muggins here had to pop the bonnet to try and suss the problem out, while they sat in the car whining about how cold it was! *unimpressed smiley*
Anyway... I couldn't see anything immediately obvious, so I spied a branch lying on the verge, grabbed it and went all John Cleese on the bonnet ;o)
The lads were falling about laughing at me.... but it only bloody worked! lol She started up like a dream :o)
Spent a week trying to get a an old BSA to fire while I was at college,got sick of it & hit it with a rubber mallet,fired up fine a few mitutes later.British technology,no need for lots of tooling,sticks or mallets work best
Works at an interplanetary level, too. Somewhere in the instruction book for the Apollo moon missions is the line 'if antenna fails to deploy, application of lunar boot is recommended'.
A bit like the Apollo 13 mission then Wills - cobble a Carbon Monoxide filter out of bits of sticky tape & anything else you can find just lying about a space capsule! & then manually fly yourself back home & just hope you don't miss the Earth!..oh and also enter the Earth's orbit at exactly the right angle so that a) you don't burn up or b) you don't skip off it & fly off into outer space!
Eighteen years of age, recently passed my test and riding my first ever "big" bike, a CX500.
On holiday with the parents in Hunstanton. Of course I went on the bike as I had only had it a couple of weeks.
One day, rode out to the front by the sea and into a car park there where I spotted three attractive young ladies sat on a bench chatting.
So I rode over towards them as cool as I could (for an eighteen year old kid, on holiday with his parents, riding a CX500) and parked up right in front of them.
Without looking at them (cos that wouldn't be cool of course), I blipped the throttle a couple of times, removed my helmet and placed it on the tank and then calmly laid the bike over onto the sidestand.
Those more observant of you will have noticed that I at no time during the above description mention flipping the sidestand down!!!
End result; bike, helmet and me, on the floor, one crumpled heap and looking about as uncool as I possibly could!
Years back I met Jim Lovell, the Apollo 13 commander, who signed a poster for my son's school. Son - seven at the time - was very underwhelmed - what he really wanted was Tom Hanks' autograph! Ever get the feeling that you just can't get anything right?
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