Its a long one but bare with it!!!
While on his morning walk, Prime Minister Gordon Brown falls over, has aheart attack and dies because the accident and emergency department athis nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time.So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by Saint Peter at the PearlyGates.'Welcome to Heaven,' says Saint Peter, 'Before you settle in, it seemsthere is a problem. We seldom see a Socialist around these parts, sowe're not sure what to do with you.''No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm a believer' saysthe PM.'I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from God Himself. Hesays that since the implementation of his new HEAVEN CHOICES policy, youhave to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you mustchoose where you'll live for eternity.''But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,' repliesBrown.'I'm sorry .. But we have our rules,' Peter interjects. And, with that,St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down...allthe way to Hell.The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course.The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The temperature is a perfect 22Cdegrees. In the distance is a beautiful club-house. Standing in front ofit is Harold Wilson and thousands of other Socialist luminaries who hadhelped him out over the years --- John Smith, Michael Foot, JimCallaghan, etc. The whole of the Labour Party leaders were thereEveryone laughing, happy, and casually but expensively dressed. Theyrun to greet him, to hug him and to reminisce about the good times theyhad getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants.' They play afriendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. The Devilhimself comes up to Brown with a frosty drink, 'Have a tequila andrelax, Gord !''Uh, I can't drink anymore, I took a pledge,' says Brown, dejectedly.'This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry andit just gets better from there !'Brown takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinksis a really very friendly bloke who tells funny jokes like himself andpulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like the ones the Labour Partypulled with the European Constitution and the Education, Immigration,Tough on Crime promises.They are having such a great time that, before he realises it, it's timeto go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Brown steps on theelevator and heads upward.When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and Saint Peter iswaiting for him. 'Now it's time to visit Heaven,' the old man says,opening the gate.So for 24 hours Brown is made to hang out with a bunch of honest,good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about thingsother than money and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank orshort-arse joke among them. No fancy country clubs here and, while thefood tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are allpoor. He doesn't see anybody he knows and he isn't even treated likesomeone special !'Whoa,' he says uncomfortably to himself. 'Harold Wilson never preparedme for this !'The day done, Saint Peter returns and says, 'Well, you've spent a day inHell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live forEternity.'With the 'Deal or No Deal' theme playing softly in the background, Brownreflects for a minute ... Then answers: 'Well, I would never havethought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all --butI really think I belong in Hell with my friends.'So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down,down,all the way to Hell.The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barrensscorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial wasteland,looking a bit like the eroded, rabbit and fox affected Australianoutback, but worse and more desolate. He is horrified to see all of hisfriends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the roadsiderubbish and putting it into black plastic bags. They are groaning andmoaning in pain, faces and handsblack with grime.The Devil comes over to Brown and puts an arm around his shoulder.' Idon't understand,' stammers a shocked Brown, 'Yesterday I was here andthere was a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviarand drank tequila. We lazed around and had a great time. Now there'sjust a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable !'The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly and purrs:'Yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us !
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