Aries (March 21 - April 19) <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
You will feel tired and run-down today. This may possibly be because of the marathon you ran yesterday, and the taxi that ran into you near the finish line. Just a guess.
<o:p></o:p>Taurus (April 20 - May 20) <o:p></o:p>
Good day to hold hands. If you don't currently have a spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend, you can probably find a fake "severed hand" at a magic supplies store. That might be a good thing to pick up in any case? You never know when it might come in handy.
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Gemini (May 21 - June 20) <o:p></o:p>
You'll feel like you can't do anything right today. Unfortunately, it turns out you're right...
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Cancer (June 21 - July 22) <o:p></o:p>
The phrase "return your tray tables to the upright and locked position" will cycle endlessly through your mind, today. It's not serious. (But you should probably consider cutting down on the honey-roasted peanuts.)
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Leo (July 23 - August 22) <o:p></o:p>
Today you will read a small booklet titled How To Make A Fortune in Frog Farming, which will change your life.
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Virgo (August 23 - September 22) <o:p></o:p>
In a savage reaction against what you view as New Age Wooly-Mindedness, you will write a best-selling book titled I'm Ok, You're A Twerp. Later, people will often regard you as having "defined" the current decade.
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Libra (September 23 - October 22) <o:p></o:p>
You will have an intellectual discussion with a potato, soon. You'll be so caught up in whether it was Descartes or Voltaire who first advocated empiricism, that it will fail to strike you as a bit odd that the potato knows much of anything about 17th-century French philosophers. In fact, it knows more about them than you do. Later, that will irritate you.
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Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) <o:p></o:p>
Uh oh. Mars is out of alignment, again. Not a good day to hang out with stupid, violent, heavily-armed ex-convicts. Save that for tomorrow.
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Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) <o:p></o:p>
Good day for a nice nap.
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Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) <o:p></o:p>
You will be misidentified, on national TV, as a renowned ichthyologist. Several people will call you, long distance, to ask about the mating habits of Tilapia.
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Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) <o:p></o:p>
Good day to get a potted plant for your office, which you should name "Throckmorton". (The plant, not the office. Obviously, "Throckmorton" is a completely inappropriate name for an office. "Wiggins" is a good name for your office, if it doesn't already have a name.)
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Pisces (February 19 - March 20) <o:p></o:p>It's time to stop beating around the bush. Move on to beating around the ornamental shrubbery.
Have a great day everyone, especially if you are a Leo!!
![Your Horoscope for today 4th September 2011 - Forums [Biker Match]](/images/backgrounds/strips/8mobileLQ.jpg)
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