Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Nobody will understand you today, and it will be impossible to get the simplest idea across. For example, even such a basic concept as "please untie me and take this gag out of my mouth" will only cause people to stare at you in confusion.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Today is the second-to-last day, of the 19th segment of your life. Time to learn to appreciate tofu (bean curd).
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Good day to start learning the violin. Interestingly, your neighbors will volunteer to pay for lessons. It's selfless gestures like that which really help friendships blossom.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will be attacked by a man wielding a ham sandwich. Fortunately, you will remember your self-defense lessons, and should be able to drive him off using a bunch of celery.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Your feet will continue to trouble you today, although you won't be quite able to put your finger on what's wrong. You haven't been that flexible in years.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you will wake up in somebody else's body. The strangest thing about the transition will be that you'll have all the memories from the new body, and none of your own from before. Despite that, you will be somehow quite certain that you've "traded down".
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
Your slogan for the week should be "Carpe Diem", or "Seize the Day!". Once you seize it, give it a good shake, just to prove you mean business.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You are being watched by a large penguin. Act normal.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
A creature from the 7th dimension will become attached to your leg, and will be impossible to remove. Eventually, you'll simply get used to it.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Soon you will start work on a mystery novel, "The Curse Of The Mummy's Nose", told from the point of view of your cat, Erik.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Some types of pest control are best handled by professionals. And if you don't act soon, it will end up costing far more money. Still, it's embarrassing when the neighbors see a man in coveralls step out of the van with a huge plastic dead lawyer on top, and walk into your house carrying the spray tank. It's hard to pretend they're just spraying for roaches...
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You may have to share a hotel room with a business colleague, to save travel expenses. Here's a tip to keep them from talking all night: bring along a teddy bear, and punch it really hard in the head a few times at bedtime, screaming "Shut up, Mr. Teddy! Shut up!".
Pisces-
Well i always take mi pet Goose with me whenever i go to a strange hotel, He likes to get drunk on porter, honk a lot and leave a fruity smell behind.
Jack Jones In: Lincolnshire Bas
Posts: 1468
Karma:
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
Your slogan for the week should be "Carpe Diem", or "Seize the Day!". Once you seize it, give it a good shake, just to prove you mean business.
tried that , it just shook its self off , got oof the floor and walked out, after sticking 2 fingers up at me
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